Where have I been you say?

Oh my how time flies, but so much has happened where do I begin? It has been 7 months since my surgery and I now weigh 179. I have now lost 101lbs since my journey began and I still am amazed at how far I have come. I am getting use to being in this new body…it is still weird at time to see myself in the mirror because I look so different. But the thing is I still feel the same….like the same old fat girl I use to be. I loved myself then and I love myself now. Ron has been great, he has not treated me any different then when I was 100lbs heavier…he has really just seen me for who I was. I never realized how much that mattered to me until now. In the back of my mind I wondered if he would be sweeter to me now that I am thinner? Would he want sex more? Would he become jealous of other guys? I wondered a lot because I have heard horror stories and my physiologist warned me as well. But Ron…he has be great through this whole process.

I am a very lucky girl…because I found someone who truly loves me for all that I am and all that I am not. Our engagement party is just around the corner and I am excited but there are 2 clouds that are blocking my sun shine. Recently my sister whom was supposed to be my maid of honor became mad at me and now has pulled out of my wedding an is no longer speaking to me. Also I was laid off from work. Yeah 2 huge things are raining on my parade but! I have remained positive through all this because I have had so much good happen there was bound to be some bad coming my way right? Well for more details including a day in the life of a gastric bypass patient and other topic please feel free to look at my YouTube page.
Maybe with my being laid off I will have more time to post on here!

Olivia

 

My YouTube Channel

 

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3 months out of Gastric Bypass!

I am sorry it has been a while since I did an update, I have been so busy with work and some personal stuff that I find no time to type! But I do a few vlogs on my YouTube Channel  every week because it’s a lot faster to talk to the camera and just say what I need to say.

Gastric Bypass has been such a big change but still I feel it was the right choice for me. I am now at 204lbs. I have lost about 76lbs over the past 10 months but since surgery which was 3 months ago…I lost 57lbs. I am happy with my progress and every day I have new experiences…such as and I am sorry if this sounds like TMI! But sex is a whole new ball game…so is walking…if that makes sense? My thighs don’t feel like they are about to start a fire! Clothes shopping is a bit frustrating since I don’t know what fits anymore, and my boobs and just whole body has changed so now…I have to figure out what will look flattering on me. Before I would concentrate on showing of my curves..mainly my boobs and butt. Now that those are gone…I am not sure what part of my body to highlight. I guess it will fall into place.

The down side..is my skin is becoming more and more giggly and floppy. Floppy under my arms around my inner thighs and my butt. It isn’t uncomfortable yet but I can see it will be if I continue losing weight. I spoke about corrective surgery to a friend and she became a bit upset about it. She said that I should love myself the way I am. The issue is I did and do. I have always loved me for me…fat and all. But I made a change for my health…to live longer and a better life. Also to avoid diabetes! I made changes and I am smaller then I have been since I was 18! I also know that doing things to make yourself feel better is ok. Like wearing those awesome heels, skinny jeans that hug the right curves or wearing that nice shade of lipstick that makes you lips just a little more plump and full. Surgery is something I would consider if my boobs get smaller then they are…I knew this going into Gastric Bypass and I did set aside money for the lose skin and possible boob lift. My friend isn’t too happy about it. I hope she can see it my way….oh well you can’t please everyone! All you have to do is worry about pleasing yourself! So this is an updated pic and a link to my Vlog.

https://www.youtube.com/user/livingandlovingbi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krnMwxq1tsw&list=UU9i0gBmpnHojMHP_czpqJGQ&index=3

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I’m staring not to recognize the girl staring back at me!!

So it’s been a while since I have written anything! I am sorry life seems to get busier and busier. Gastric Bypass has sure changed everything for me. I saw a picture of me the other day…and I could not believe it was me. I think people think I am fishing for compliments but…I have been fat for so long even in my childhood pictures…I was a chubby kid…that is all I have known of how I looked. I was full and plump! And I was fine with it, I loved myself for who I was inside and out.

Now I see someone different, someone I don’t know…can anyone understand that? The way I use to unwind is a no go anymore. I can’t drink (I have tried and nada!) and I can’t eat much at all. So outings turn into people being amazed at how small my meal is…and wondering if I am ok…telling me how my weight is going down so fast….and asking me about wedding details.

My brain has not caught up with what is happening. I don’t think any kind of counseling would have prepared me for this big change in such a short time. I am weigh in at 219lbs, I am about a month and  a half post op…and no I don’t regret it but know I am totally out of my comfort zone. I am not use to this soooo I have some work to do on myself.

Work and keeping up with my health and now planning a wedding has been pretty hectic. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I will be getting my first test results from my first blood tests since I have surgery. I am hoping that I am doing good and there are no deficiencies! I will post a Vlog update on my YouTube chanel of how well or bad the appointmetn went.

For now I am trying to keep up with my pills, walking and now incorporating more exercise besides my house work and dancing occasionally. Ron and I are going to start jogging…and hopefully playing tennis soon! With my boobs down to a barely C cup I have no issues running or bouncing around (Back in the day I was a DD). I will try to keep the updates coming. For now here is a current picture! The first 2 are recent and the third on is from October 2012

Olivia

 

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My 28 Days post op….when will I be normal?

Today is my 28th day post op…and I feel good at times….and other times I feel simply exhausted. I know it has a lot to do with my vitamin and protein intake. I never thought it would be this hard to try to get all these different vitamins in such a small stomach. But I am glad I can swallow pills now. Chewable tablets just taste awful, no matter what flavor! So far I have been healing very well, no complications and I hope it stays that way.

No complications except 1 thing….I am never satisfied! Food wise I mean, lol, I have eaten soup, fish, chicken, tuna, beef, beans, peanut butter, fat free ice cream all kinds of things and I have yet to have that “Mmm that was delicious I am so full” feeling. I miss that satisfactory feeling after a good meal. So much so I was trying to obtain it yesterday by over eating some chicken…and I certainly paid for it. I was felt awful for about an hour.

I wonder if I will ever have that feeling ever again? Or if I will ever find something I love an is good for me? I feel a little bit of a loss, because I didn’t think it was a big part of my life but FOOD….is everything! It’s team meetings, anniversary celebrations, birthday celebrations, holidays…everything incorporates food and now I have to maneuver around it so that I can stay on track and not become sick.

It’s a whole new ball game ladies and gentlemen!

 

 

19 days post op!

So it’s been 19 days since my surgery…and I have to say that I still feel weird. I mean food…I have never been one to obsess with food but once someone says you can’t have it…it makes it more desirable at least for a little bit lol. So now that I am more aware of what’s going in my body and the amounts…I have to make sure its low in crabs and fat and high in protein….to avoid Dumping Syndrome..which thankfully I have yet to experience. My incisions are healing nicely and my doctor has okayed me to start semi solid food on Saturday! The best part? I will be able to take real pills on Saturday as well. Thank jeeebuz because I am sick of the chewable pills. Time seems to be going fast and my recovery is moving along nicely. I am happy with my decision to have this surgery, but now I am even more determined to be successful at this life changing journey.

Another big moment was that Ron surprised me yesterday by proposing to me….I am engaged! I still look at my ring and cant believe it…to find the one person who gets you and lets you lean on them when you need it…holds you and loves you for exactly what you are…is amazing. Yes there are ups and downs but he is so worth all those downs…and the ups are the icing on the cake.

So far this year has brought a lot of change but I am ready for whatever the rest of the year has in store for me.

 

 

Olivia

 

 

The journey continues….before and after Gastric Bypass

I am so sorry for the delay in receiving your order. This item is scheduled to be picked up for delivery on Friday. We received a high volume of orders and sent them in 2 shipments your order is in this second shipment. Once it has shipped I will provide you with the tracking number. Once again I apologize for this inconvenience.

I have to say that this journey is only beginning and by far it has given me more results than when I dieted, took diet pill, exercised, even when I did the P90X…Because its changed the way I see food. Before my surgery I did not diet…I just made better choices and I lost about 30lbs. Just giving up Soda, Fried Foods and Less Rice. Eating out less but when I did…I would take a bite or 2 of the “bad but so good” food and I was satisfied with that. Rather than be like NO must not have! Because when you deny yourself things like simple fries or your favorite food you are more likely to fail your diet and binge eat later. So I did take a bite here and there. Weekends were my cheat days. Which because my body got use to eating in smaller amounts (even before surgery) I would simply have a few bites of whatever I wanted and I was full. Kept the water flowing and cut back on thinking “well I have to finish what’s on my plate” Biggest change was not eating after 6 at the latest 7…and making my dinner the smallest meal. I made Breakfast the biggest and lunch a medium…dinner a small. Hmm maybe the biggest change was eating breakfast…and I mean that was hard for me because mornings I am just rushing to get to work. I would get my Drive Thur Starbucks Coffee a breakfast sandwich and I was on my way. Little did I know I was eating 1,000 calories already of sugar and fat. So I decided to stop the coffee, the red bull and all my little “energy pick me ups” and stick to water.

With the P90X I killed myself for 3 months excising every day for a least 1 1/2 hours….I restricted myself from eating out and was counting calories and weigh food but didn’t really like anything I ate. I was proud I finished the program and lost 30lbs. But when I finished and got a new job, a boyfriend and simply did not have the time to get 7 days or working out in…I did start slipping back into my old ways…eating out, drinking soda, and only exercising once in a while….until I saw I gained back about 60lbs. It’s so easy to slip back…and fail. And it is like your body punishes you for your weakness and you gain back twice what you lost. The truth is all we need is moderation. Beginning the P90X I weighed 265…when I finished the program I was 235…..a year later I weighed 280.
All I want is to be normal….what is normal? There are some people who can eat whatever they want not work out and not gain a pound. Then there are those who eat whatever they want don’t work out and gain weight steadily. Then there are those people who are always on a diet…every day they talk they are on some new diet…their wait goes up and down but mostly up because their diets don’t last a lifetime. Then you have your work out junkies…these people love to work out, they get their work outs in everyday and eat sensibly. They enjoy working out and feel it’s a challenge to do more…higher intensity work outs, marathons, before work after works over the weekend. They just work out and love it.
Me? I just want moderation in my life. Work out to me feel mandatory…what I really want is activities…dancing, cleaning my home, playing with my nieces and nephews, playing tennis with Ron, taking stairs rather than elevators… I want more activities in my life…and I want to stick to eating smaller portions and not restrict myself 100% from even having 1 fry. I want a normal weight, and an eating lifestyle not a diet….because diets are temporary…I want permanent. So that lead me to Gastric Bypass. I started the program on June 2012. Weight was 280, started my new way of eating..not a diet but smarter eating…. 6 months of diet and exercise. Diet…was more making those choices that will change you for the better…like the ones I made…that I still have today. I don’t drink soda or juice, I don’t eat past 7pm, I do not fry anything and I cut back on rice. Also any bread I do eat is wheat, turkey is pretty delicious…and I have not fallen of the wagon. Why? Because when Ron wants to go out and eat I will go, but I eat in moderation….few bites and stick to water. Alcohol well…I had a max of 2-3 drinks…if you know me you would know I drank way more than that. I also drank wine…but not anymore. I don’t drink much and it wasn’t because of the program…I just had to stop because of the awful headaches and hangovers. Even with only 3 drinks I felt shitty the next day. So now I am fine with 1 to 2 drinks. 6 months pass by…and it’s time to weigh in and ask my insurance for approval of my surgery. At my final weigh in I was 247. 6 months…eating moderately and more consciously. It was hard in the beginning and they do give you these pills to curb your hungry which made me feel like my heart was racing so I only took half a pill until I just stop taking in completely. I was never able to take any pills as much as they promised magical weight loss. I could not handle the crazy heart rate it would give me. So I stuck with the program, went to weigh ins, support groups, nutritional classes and made it to the day of my surgery…I weighed 244. When I came home…I was in pain…and did weigh myself…I was 247. They day before surgery they have you empty your bowels in preparation for the surgery. 2 lbs of crap literally lol….I am 12 days out….I weigh 232. It’s been about 8 months now…and I have lost 48lbs. I know it will be more but to me my life changing decision was the right one for me. Getting Gastric Bypass really isn’t easy…you have to be really committed. Not Diet committed but more like permanent commitment kind of like a Tattoo…it is done and you will not be able to get it removed without damaging something.
The first couple of days were the hardest because of the all liquid phase…you’re not hungry but your mind is latterly confused…don’t I need food? You are getting food…protein, your vitamins and fat? Your body is now using your stored fat as energy….so the weight loss begins. But your sanity is tested…as you become tired or the protein supplements and yearn for apiece of turkey. I am still on the liquid pahse2….but I found a few things I like. Mizo soup for one makes my day! Greek yogurt is simply awesome. Sugar Free Fruit Popsicles are my go to when I crave something familiar. I hate jello and pudding so even after surgery I did not like it much. Soups like chicken noodle were good but I got tired of them fast.
12 days out of surgery and I have lost 15lbs. I guess I will keep updating this every 2 weeks to see the progress.

Olivia